God's Punchline

It's been a long time since I posted.  What can I say, life got VERY busy over the last few years.  After the arrival of our 4th child, Raphael, back in 2012 and all the challenges that come from trying to feed, clothe, and in general keep 4 small humans alive I didn't have time to write.  It occurred to me, however, that this is less about writing a Blog as is about chronicling our adventure as a family.  And it IS an adventure. 

As I mentioned, Raphael (son #4), arrived back in 2012 and we were done.  4 boys, spanning 6 years was enough.  I knew my wife's heart was set on having a daughter, but we'd accepted the fact that my assembly line was only capable of producing 'Y' chromosomes and quite frankly, we were getting stretched as it was.  4 car seats in a mini van is pretty much maxed out.  Plus there are only so many frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets a freezer can hold.  We had some late-night discussions about adoption so we could inject some pink in the house, but the discussions were more around her trying to game plan a 3-5 year adoption process, and me trying to wrap my head around the mere thought of adoption.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not against adoption at all, but after bringing 4 healthy kids into the world I was trying to negotiate the weight that I knew was on my wife's heart with my own misgivings about bringing another child into the house.  Of course, the stories you hear about the adoption process, the expense, the nightmare scenarios of adopting from a foreign country etc, were all fueling the fires of my doubt.  Honestly, I prayed a lot simply to have an open mind about everything and be able to take the leap of faith that would help me support  what was a strong calling for her.  The one common ground for us is that we were looking down the barrel of mile-marker 40 and going through yet another pregnancy was not on our "To Do" lists.

Then, on September 10th 2014, it happened.  I was discussing family with some members of the local Board of Education after a meeting (yes, I'm on the local BoE because I have a massive amount of free time with nothing to do...(I hope that sarcasm translates)) when I was asked "So, 4 kids!  Wow, are planning to have more?"

...Let me digress for a minute.  Growing up in America as a "child of the 80's", my perspective and that of many of my contemporaries is that of a family of 4.  Vacations, hotels, cars, and just about everything you can think of revolving around a "normal" family assumes there are 4 people consisting of two adults and two kids, ideally one boy and one girl.  Any expansion beyond that number automatically makes people think that you are personally trying to repopulate the earth with your own group of minions.  If the idea that I have 4 kids doesn't automatically invite the question about prospects of a fifth, than finding out that all 4 are boys is the piece de resistance.  THEY MUST ASK.  "Do you plan on having more?"  "Gunna try for the girl?"  It never seems to occur to anyone that this is actually an extremely personal and potentially sensitive question.   The world view is that if you have 3 or more children, your sex life (or perhaps more specifically your family planning choices) is obviously an open book and warrants public scrutiny.  Digression complete (for now)...

My response was "Nope.  At least, not from this DNA Pool.  I'm done!"

Now, I believe in God.  I believe that God has a sense of humor.  I believe God likes to use me as a punch line from time to time.  I should have heard the cosmic laughter at that moment.  The truth was, however, that I was turning 40 in a few months, and believe it or not we had actually tried to get pregnant earlier in the year (I know, there seem to be some contradictions....don't try to follow the logic.  There's WAY too much to explain if you do).  Thinking we'd leave it up to God and hopefully, if it was His will for us to have #5 the baby would arrive before my wife turned 40, which was a psychological cutoff point for her.    Bottom line, we didn't conceive and I settled in to accepting that my family of 6 was set.  Time to look to a future of raising 4 boys and all the joys that come with it.  I was in a good place.

24 hours later, I returned home from work which just happened to be Friday, September 11th.  I still work from home 95% of the time, but make occasional trips into Manhattan.  I hate travelling into NYC on that date for obvious reasons, but personally because I lost a cousin on that day who was the closest person I've ever had to a brother.  Because of the day and the date, I made an early morning walk to St. Patrick's Cathedral to attend Mass and even go to confession.  (if you haven't guessed by now:  Yes, I'm Catholic.  No, that's not the reason I have as many kids as I do.)  I remember thanking God for the beautiful family I have, my remorse that my cousin would never meet my boys, and to please help me to be a good father and open to His will.  I had a sense of melancholy peace throughout the day and returned home eager to give my boys a hug.  (Side note:  one benefit of having a small clan in your house is that getting bowled over by 4 enthusiastic little boys at your return home is a moment of pure joy.)  I had just finished getting tackled with hugs by my 4 boys when my wife walked in and said "Can you meet me upstairs for a minute?"  Something was off.  She didn't have the "One of your offspring did something today that nearly made me wipe him off the face of the earth" look.  The boys were all awake and looking for my attention so the possibility of this having amorous intent was effectively nil.  A clogged toilet or leak in the bathroom would have simply warranted a comment or a text earlier in the day.  What was up?    I followed her upstairs into the bathroom only to have her grab something off the counter and hand it to me.  Um....remind me again...what do two lines on this little stick mean again?

I'll spare you the weeks of shell-shocked delirium that followed, or adventure that was the day of delivery (at least for now....tune in again on another day).  May 12th, my DAUGHTER Chiara entered our lives.  She's awesome.  (Holy @$%! I have 5 kids and one is a GIRL!)  There is, of course, a whole new spin on the adventure that is our lives now, but those are tales for a different day.  (and NO WE ARE NOT PLANNING ON HAVING #6)