The Sound of Silence

"It's quiet....too quiet."

I know, it's totally cliche', but it's SO true.  Usually about the time that I've managed to sit down and find the place in my book where I'd left off (this usually takes a while since the bookmark I used either was dislodged when the little one launched it off the table, or outright yanked it from the book), someone starts screaming, crying or calling for me or my wife.  It's when this DOESN'T happen that something in the back of my mind says "This sure is comfortable...wait...WHY are we comfortable?  We're not allowed to be comfortable!  What's going on?!?!?!"  It's at this point that the angel pops up on one shoulder "You should get up and make sure everything's OK!"  while the little devil pops up on the other shoulder saying "What are you worried about?  We have smoke detectors..."  Admittedly, the devil usually wins in these situations.  No one has ever gotten hurt, and this is probably because even though I'm not actively searching for the miscreants, I'm still listening for the out-of-place sound effect that clues me in to a problem.  Banging, climbing, splashing and rushing water all have distinctive sounds that, when put in the context with other sounds, lets you know if you are in trouble.

*thump**thump**thump**thump**thump*
*Clunk*
-silence-
*whoosh*
-silence-
*phshshshss*
-silence-

Simply translated, this is the progression of sounds that accompanies the middle child enroute to a bathroom break.  Observe:

*thump**thump**thump**thump**thump* (Pee-pee Dance performed while dropping drawers)
*Clunk* (toilet seat being properly positioned)
-silence- (business being conducted)
*whoosh* (toilet flushed)
-silence- (presumably putting pants back on....no guarantee on this one)
*phshshshss* (washing hands)
-silence- (evolution complete)

Compare that, for example, to a solitary:
*whoosh*

with no accompanying sounds, the little one has probably found something flushworthy and I either investigate now or make a mental note of where I last put the plunger and paper towels.  At least he's over the stage of unspooling the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet at one shot.

*phshshshshshs*
Hmmm...no other clues.  No context....probably trouble.  In this case it's usually the little guy (possible pattern here?) having managed to climb up something and turn on a faucet somewhere.  In one instance his Spiderman-like ability to climb obstacles way too big to for me to reasonably anticipate his traversing, found him sitting IN the bathroom sink, having turned the water on himself.  Now soaking wet and stuck under the faucet, I'm relieved I recognized the out-of-place *whoosh* and got to him before the hot water had a chance to heat up and cause any damage.

Other noises become a general background chatter that is typically ignored, much like you get used to crickets chirping at night in the country or the sounds of traffic in the city.  It's a necessity, particularly when you work at home, to learn how to be conscious of the noises, but not dwell on them, otherwise nothing would ever get accomplished.  Toys bouncing off of floors, furniture, walls etc. make a standard, innocuous sound that we pretty much ignore as the sounds of little boys having fun and keeping themselves occupied.  On the other hand, toys bouncing off of, say, a sibling's head makes a completely different noise.  Granted, this is usually followed by screams and/or crying so it's a gimme.  This latest noise is 99.9% of the time attributed to the little guy (YES...definate pattern) hurling a diecast car at one of his brothers at high velocity with uncanny accuracy.  For a kid who isn't yet 2 years old, he has a 2-seam fastball that would make Nolan Ryan proud.

The only time silence is trustworthy is between the hours of 8PM and 6AM.  That's the typical sleep window for the kids who, finally, all manage to sleep through the night.  Out of place sounds during these times usually accompany the full diaper (baby), the unfortunate accident (middle guy) or the occasional bloody nose (oldest).  For a while, the sound of one of the older two heading downstairs in the morning was the unofficial starter pistol for the day.  How kids as small as they are could be capable of thundering down a set of stairs with such a din is beyond me.  This of course would wake the baby, who knowing the rest of the house was awake, would start to scream, thus becoming the 'official' starter pistol for the day.   I actually got to the point where I had my kids practice climbing down the stairs quietly until I was satisfied they could do it without a sound.  Call me crazy but it sometimes yields an extra 20 minutes of sleep each morning and I'll defend that to the teeth!

Don't get me wrong, I don't ignore the kids, and I'd never let them do anything I think would be potentially harmful.  I can't, however, keep my eyes on them 24-7.  So I have to trust to my other senses to tell me what's going on.  They say when deprived of sight, the other senses heighten.  Believe me, you don't need to see the contents to know a diaper is full of nastiness, and you don't need to see what's going on to recognize the sounds of trouble brewing somewhere.